Saturday, October 05, 2002  

"Hey buddy, need a ride? I was just on my way to the big doofus convention!"

Man, I love Spongebob . . .

there. I said it.| 8:58 AM

Friday, October 04, 2002  

So, I watched the first five minutes of ER last night. It's the first ER I've watched in about 4 seasons, and it really only served to confirm my suspicions. ER has - big time - jumped the shark. No question.

Apparently, Dr. Romano got his arm chopped off by a helicopter rotor last week?!? Come on. Remember Dr. Benton? In the span of about 7-8 seasons, he: got divorced and remarried (twice, I think), had a deaf son, had an interracial affair, had an AIDS scare, watched his cousin/nephew/whatever get shot in a gang battle, and was abducted by extraterrestrials (ok, so I made one of those up . . . it was HIV, not AIDS). Or take Dr. Carter - the sexy, yet troubled Noah Wyle - who, in roughly 27 seasons (why is he still a resident? Shouldn't he be Chief of Surgery or something by now?) has been stabbed, developed a painkiller addiction, fallen in love with everyone on the show (yes, this means you Djimon Hounsou), killed innumerable people (all accidentally, I assure you - maybe this explains the Chief of Surgery thing), and developed a smoking habit. I could do this for every single character.

It's time for ER to hang it up, hit the showers, call it quits. Stick a fork in it - it's done. I know, it still gets good ratings - but I'm trying to think of the syndication, man! Imagine ten years from now: when they show reruns of ER on TBS, or TNT, nobody is gonna wat to watch these new shows. They'll find an old Law and Order to watch instead.

It seems to me that that's a good definition of when something has jumped the shark - think of the syndication. What's the point in the show's history after which you'll change the channel? Whatever that point is for ER, the time is loooong past.

Now, we hear that Anthony Edwards (who died from a brain tumor last season) has been offered a cool $10 mil to come back in a dream/flashback sequence. 3 episodes worth of scenes, all shot in one day. Can you fathom that? 10 million dollars, for one day's work - for a DEAD MAN! Here's the best part: so far, he's said no.


there. I said it.| 1:44 PM

Thursday, October 03, 2002  

Great article today from Bill Simmons on Page 2. It outlines the rules for women who want to try to watch sports with their husbands/boyriends. A couple of highlights:

2. There isn't a single acceptable situation for the question "Is this game almost over yet?" Not one.

4. Don't complain about incessant remote-control flipping on Sunday. We know when to flip and we know where we're going. It's an innate gift. And we do it for a reason: We're trying to catch as much football as possible. Consider yourself lucky to be along for the ride.

9. Know your stuff. The moment you say something like, "Wait, I thought Drew Bledsoe was on the Patriots," you might as well pull a bag over your head. If you're clueless, keep it to rudimentary observations like "That was an unbelievable catch" or "This announcer is annoying." Never say, "Jon Gruden's so cute. He looks just like my old high school boyfriend!" Save that for the next "American Idol."

Read it.


there. I said it.| 11:41 AM

Want to waste some time? Go here. You'll waste plenty.


there. I said it.| 10:12 AM

Wednesday, October 02, 2002  

This is why I love these guys: They are freakin' superstar pitchers in a professional bowlers' bodies. These guys have absolutely no business being athletes - they don't look the part at all! There's no way they should have won so many games over so many years. Come on, they should not be able to compete with the steroid/creatine/andro-enhanced likes of Bonds, Kent, Lofton, Sanders and company. Only one of them has any power at all (Smoltz) - and he only pitches one inning a night! Maddux looks like a ninth-grade biology teacher and Glavine just looks like somebody's dad. Millwood, well, he looks straight outta the trailer park.

And you wanna know the best part? They're gonna kick the crap out of the Giants. I feel it in my bones. We going to see a bunch of 3-0, 4-1 type scores and this will be a short series.

My Prediction? Braves: 3 games to 1. Series MVP: John Smoltz


there. I said it.| 10:48 AM

Monday, September 30, 2002  

Back to lists - they're fun, huh.

My Top Ten Favorite Comedic Performances - in order (for a freakin' change!)


10. Steve Martin - The Jerk "Somebody hates these cans!"
9. Mike Myers - So I Married an Axe Murderer "Hey, you know what this place needs? A really large oversized poster of Atlantic City. Oh, look, you have one!"
8. Ron Livingston - Office Space "It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care."
7. Mike Nelson - Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie "Paging Doctor Jemima . . ."
6. Owen Wilson - Bottle Rocket "On the run from Johnny Law... ain't no trip to Cleveland."
5. Jason Schwartzman - Rushmore "I saved Latin. What did you ever do?"
4. Mike Myers - Wayne's World "A gun rack... a gun rack. I don't even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do... with a gun rack?"
3. Chevy Chase - Fletch "Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo."
2. The Entire Cast of Best in Show. "We could just not talk or talk forever, and still find things to not talk about . . ."
1. Chris Farley - Tommy Boy "Your...Your brain has the shell on it . .

Honorable Mention:

Bill Murray - Caddyshack, Rushmore
Steve Buscemi - Fargo
Adam Sandler - The Wedding Singer
Janeane Garofalo - Mystery Men
Jack Black - High Fidelity
Dan Aykroyd - The Blues Brothers

there. I said it.| 11:55 AM

My favorite thing for today: Sleeping in my bed, after not sleeping in it for two nights.

there. I said it.| 10:59 AM

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