Here's a Bible story for you, courtesy of Bill Mallonee. Without further ado, here's the story of Hosea:
It’s an Old Testament story about a minor league prophet who never quite made it to the majors. Like most of those Old Testament prophets, he pitched his message hard, low, fast, and down in . . . down in. His name was Hosea and he used to walk all over Israel with a signboard on. And on one side of the signboard it said, “REPENT.” And on the other side of the signboard it said, “FOR THE END IS NEAR.” He was quite a sight. He didn’t win too many games – his ERA was pretty high.
He got some special instructions one day from the dugout. The team manager said, “There’s this hot girl in town. I want you to bring her a new dress from me. And I want you to dress her up in love.”
The good Lord told Hosea to go marry the town prostitute – her name was Gomer. She was, you might say, the life of every party. A little heavy on the jewelry, a little thick on the lipstick, and not too choosy about the men or the booze.
At first she thought Hosea was kidding. “No, no, I’m not kidding. I’m under orders from the management – I want you to be my wife.” She thought the old kook was just flat-out crazy. But not that much crazier than any of the other fools she was hanging out with night after night. Besides, she needed a new dress.
So they got married – Hosea and Gomer, the unlikely pair. And most of their friends didn’t give them a snowball’s chance in hell that the marriage would last. They had a few kids. Hosea - the minor prophet, still throwing low, hard, fast, and on the inside - would name them odd little names like “God is Coming to Kick Your Ass if You Don’t Straighten Up.” And he would send them off to school and you can imagine what they felt like when the roll was called.
Meanwhile, our minor league hero was on the sawdust trail, beatin’ in up and down Israel, playing for every farm team he could find that would have him. Some of Gomer’s friends called her up one night and said, “Hey Sweetheart, the kids are in bed, come out and throw down with us, baby.” So she took them up on the offer, and pretty soon she was back to her old ways. She was back on her old stomping grounds, and that dress was looking a bit sullied, muddied, torn, battered, and broken. She’d lost some buttons and some of the jewels that clung to the hem. No matter, she felt back at home.
Meanwhile, her husband was heartbroken. He’d fuss at her, to no avail. He’d try locking the door, and she’d stumble home at 3 or 4 in the morning. He’d open the door and let her back in, fix her some coffee, give her a cold shower, tuck her in bed and let her sleep it off. Finally one day, she just didn’t come in at all, she stayed out all night.
Hosea found that the funny little thing about the object of your affections, is when you think you’re doing all the work, you think you’re carrying all the load, it’s already started to change you. And the garment he was wearing looked a lot like the garment she was wearing.
He took off, he found her passed out, drunk, above an adult bookstore. He had to pay a pretty big fee to get the management to let her out of her contract. But he was just glad to have her back. And she was glad to be had.
Hosea changed his signboard. After all the thinking, all the hurt, and all the bitterness he had the most important love of his life back by his side. On one side of the signboard it now read, “GOD IS LOVE.” Do you remember what I said about the object of your affection changing you from the inside out? On the other side of the signboard, it read, “THERE IS NO END TO IT.”
Man, I always gave my teachers coffee mugs for Xmas . . . .
Girl, 4, Brings Teacher Gift of Marijuana
Wednesday, December 11, 2002
HOLYOKE, Mass. — The Department of Social Services is looking into a possible case of child abuse after a 4-year-old girl brought her teacher a small bag of marijuana as a gift.
When Head Start Early Childhood Center teacher Iris Galvez asked where she got the gift Monday, the girl said she got it "from her mommy," according to a police report obtained by the Union-News of Springfield.
The girl's mother, Shelin Colon, 32, said she doesn't have any drugs in the house and doesn't know where the girl might have gotten the marijuana, police said.
No charges have been filed.
A report of suspected child abuse or neglect has been filed with Social Services, a department spokesman said.
Suzanne L. Parker, deputy director of the area Head Start program, declined to comment.
I’m having a bad day. I’m having a “Nathan Greer, shit-on-the-walls” day. I won’t bore you with the details, but if you want a place to start, check out the Weather Channel and see what Old Man Winter is doing up here. Wake up to that, and you’re pretty much doomed to a crappy day, unless fate intervenes and gives you a pleasant surprise. My surprise? I put my hand through my Jeep window.