Friday, May 30, 2003  

I've often said that there should have been classes for us in school about various things that we encounter later life - things like how to balance a checkbook, or how credit cards are evil, or really useful stuff like supermarket etiquette (you don't park your damn shopping cart in the middle of the aisle!). I decided today that there's another thing that should be added to the list: tipping.

Who gets a tip? I mean, we all know to tip our waiter or waitress, but who else? Ok, the valet (somebody I make use of all the time, let me tell you). Who else? I was at Sears today buying a new lawn mower and I was wondering if I should tip the guy who put the huge box into my car for me. I didn't. Should I have?

How much do you tip? Again, the waiter gets 15-20%, but what about everybody else? Is there a rule book somewhere for this stuff? Did I take the wrong electives in college? Was I in Racquetball Class (yes, I really took that - twice) when I should have been taking How To Behave in Public So You Don't Look Like a Schmuck 101?

I only know one thing for sure (my apologies to Dave Barry here): "Damn Shopping Cart" would be a great name for a band.

there. I said it.| 1:54 PM

Just for funsies sometime, watch an episode of your favorite trashy talk show (Springer, Maury Povich, Jenny Jones, etc.) with the sound off and the closed captioning on. It's completely riveting. Here's an example of what you might see:

Title (in bottom corner of screen): I'm a teenager and I'm having a baby and I don't care what you say!

In Scrolling Captions:

You don't care who the father is?
That's so sad.
It's not sad.
Get a Life.
I don't care.
I don't care what you say.

Can you imagine? A whole hour of this? Riveting. It's even better when the guy doing the transcription is a bad speller.

there. I said it.| 1:46 PM

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